The Baby Jesus

Many of you remember the story from this past December about St. Albans, West Virginia, the town that featured a "nativity scene" minus the Baby Jesus (kind of ironic for a town named after a saint, but then again San Francisco is also named after a saint...). Anyway, I am happy to report that we have found the Baby, not in James Cameron's phony documentary, but in New York City of all places. His earthly name is Sean Hannity. Of course, I am not the creator of this perfectly suited name for Sean; that honor goes to Royal Marshall of the Neal Boortz show.

Yes, Hannity, the man with that cute little baby face and seeming lack of original sin, which of course lends itself to all sorts of fantasies. A few years ago (2003, I believe), when Dennis Miller was a substitute host on Sean's show, a woman called in and began detailing her desires for the Baby Jesus. Dennis Miller (being Dennis Miller) just egged her on. I'm paraphrasing here, but her basic thesis was "Sean's so perfect and innocent and cute, I just want to corrupt him. I know there's a bad boy inside of him, and I want to see it." I hope this woman, wherever she is, writes some RPF that we can all look forward to reading one day.

As for Sean, he's lucky he's married with two kids. Otherwise, he'd have a full-time job of fielding offers of apples from the Garden of Eden that so many women would like to see him eat.