The &*@#$ is Back in Town

Since I can't think of something terrible enough to say about this aperaper wanting to visit Ground Zero and expecting Secret Service protection, I'll just offer my advice to any American living anywhere near Manhattan: If you have any dignity at all, any reason to live, you had better be lining the streets in front of Ground Zero with a shoe in one hand and a raw pork chop in the other. I'd say it's worth getting arrested, but the NYPD is smart enough that they may very well look the other way when someone nails this monkey with a slab of lard right in his Satanic face.

And I'll refer you to my previous post on this subject, where I predicted that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (I like to pronounce it properly because it involves gagging twice when I say it) would return to the US.

Sig Hiel, dead man.














P.S. Anyone in the Secret Service who gives this thing protection should be tried for treason. And if our leaders approve of the Service guarding this filth, we might as well bath in chum as a country and jump into the shark tank.

Let them eat Brie! and Hot Dogs and Hamburgers! (and drink Grey Goose!)

A note, first of all, to those who think I need to update my site more often: as I say in my first post, this site is not intended to be a "blog" although that is its format. Its intention is to serve as a collection of pictures and commentary of sexually interesting conservative and conservative-friendly icons. It aims to be a database of sorts of conservative fantasy images. Therefore, its scope is limited and it does not call for regular updates. That said, I would like to post more often and would like anyone who views the site to suggest in the Comments section whom they'd like to see featured.

Now on to the next:

French President Nicolas Sarkozy whose election in May ended the reign of un verm Jack Chirac may not be conservative according to American standards, but his defeat of a Socialist woman who thought she could win because she had that kind of attractiveness that said: "I may be old, but I still know how to shack up with my philandering boyfriend and let him bang me" (I admit, any kind of attractiveness emanating from a socialist is an accomplishment indeed.) purchased Nic a warm place in the heart of many American patriots.

His political incorrectness is especially charming to me. For example, his "controversial" remarks to the residents of the outskirts of Paris when he tried to comfort them about enraged Muslim gangs rioting and destroying property in their neighborhoods: "You've had enough of this gang of scum, haven't you? Well, we're going to get rid of them." He made these statements in February when he was still Interior Minister, and with them he automatically got my (non-binding) vote. Had I been his campaign manager, that would have been the slogan for the entire election, since it could apply to Islamists, the UN, and the preceeding French administration all at once.

Vote for Sarkozy: You've had enough of this gang of scum, haven't you? Well, we're going to get rid of them!

After a few short months in office, he has totally pissed off the Eurotrash by vacationing in America and meeting with President Bush this week. Now we hear that they're having a down-home American meal with hamburgers, hotdogs, baked beans, corn on the cobb, and blueberry pie. I want to go.


With the French, we're always going to have disappointments. I remember being in Paris when I was 16. When I would see a cute French teenage boy and want a little closer look, without exception the next move he'd make after I'd caught his eye would be to light a cigarette. Gross. So Sarkozy isn't going to be a complete cher, but for now we can enjoy his sexy attitude. and his dark hair. and his accent. and the food we no longer have to boycott. and the booze.



















No Grey Goose if you don't get loose.

Paris Hilton Said it Best

Finally, we've found the cause of Global Warming.

Photographer Greg Endries recently captured Tammy Bruce (and is the only man known to have done so and survived). Back in April, Sheriff Bruce announced that she had arranged a photo session for herself, sans the restrictions placed on her by publishers and employers when they want promotional images of her. So this is truly the Bruceter as we've never seen her before. Over 150 pictures were shot, and now she has given her MySpace friends a sneak peak by posting 4 of said photos.

You may now proceed to break the first Commandment:

For all of you old geezers that are going to complain about her finger on the trigger: read this and get over it. She can handle her gun better than you can yours, so STFU.

Obey.
















If you like her acting more femme. Or if you just like her on a table. Either way.





















Yeah, between these and the new Mercedes convertible the Sheriff bought last month, my Inner Eye sees lots of action in her future. Very soon. Probably right now.


Additional Invaluable Commentary: I usually don't approve of blaspheming dark hair with highlights, but here I will make a special exception: it contrasts well with her black leather jacket and her gun. I like seeing her wearing a ring (on her index finger in the gun photo). Earrings would have looked good in the headshots; maybe she forgot them. I hope she releases other photos from the shoot where the jacket is missing. Also hope for pictures of her aiming the revolver ("Snuffy"). My only complaint about these pics is that they'll need to be enlarged before they can be put on anyone's wall or ceiling. For now, look up at the gun-and-microphone pic, and say hello to my new screensaver.

Snow Has Fallen

Tony Snow is finished. He is featured in a post below, but can no longer qualify to be a sexy conservative, since he is no longer a conservative. After appearing on various talk shows defending the President's policies at all costs, this once revered conservative radio talk show host has joined in selling us and himself down the Rio Grande. I'd already heard him appear on the Ingrahammer's show a couple of months ago: not answering her questions about the administration's policies toward commie China and even getting angry with her that she was questioning him aggressively, as if she owed him some kind of deference.

Now you can listen for yourself to this Elitist bat for the Mexican Alien Invasion--I mean--"Comprehensive Immigration Reform".

Here is Snow's call to Neal Boortz (click on the "listen here" link within his post. And his latest chat with Laura Ingraham.

Tony Snow, God bless you and I wish only the best for your health. But once you finish your term of service to our Neo-liberal President, there will be no place for you in the conservative movement. You are no longer welcome among our ranks. Perhaps FoxNews will take pity on you and offer you another job in front of a camera, but we won't forget who you used to be and who you have become. Shameful.

Tammy, Meet Laura

Hmmm..That wide watch band looks nice

on you, Laura.

A little over a month ago, Tammy Bruce had a blog post about all the things that are gay. Here was my comment, along with an Editorial remark, possibly by Tammy's webmaster but probably by Tammy herself, since she made several comments on her own post within the hour that I commented:

"U-Hauls, animal rescue, vegetarianism, spiritualism (not sure what that is; I think it’s something for people who find Christianity too challenging), benefit concerts, fundraiser parties, vacations that are yearly events, rainbows, coffee shops, manicures, wraps (as opposed to sandwiches), sushi, the words: “fabulous”, “diva”, and “divine”, Showtime, Bravo, Absolut vodka, hair gel (men and women), Cosmos, satchels, Laura Ingraham, tongue rings, leather in general, art festivals, film festivals, Nike. This is fun!"


[Laura Ingraham? When did she become co-opted by teh ghey?--ed.]

Posted by: ashleymatt at April 19, 2007 05:22 PM


So to answer Tammy's question, I just thought I'd share a few photos and this little fact list about the Ingrahammer:

• Never been married
• Has a gay brother
• Very athletic and competitive: used to run marathons, likes to do pushups and pullups (the latter demostrated below)
• Played sports in highschool and college
• One of those sports was softball
• Tells childhood stories about beating up bullies who picked on other girls
• Wanted to attend Westpoint, but her mother would not let her
• Mom also had to fight with her to wear dresses
• Amendment to the "never been married" fact: except to her dogs
• Admits to being a "tomboy." Mmmhmm

Source: The Laura Ingraham show, 2006

Ingheyham showing off her prowess in Iraq.

Laura commandeering a helicopter in Israel. She's gotta know the ladies love the flight gear.

So do you think she's your type, Sheriff Bruce? Just be sure to get the video of it online, so I can post it here.

Conservative Stars Still Employed

With his new Die Hard series movie coming out June 27, Bruno is back in the news and apparently railing against the Tramp Trinity: Hilton, Lohan, and Spears. He's also revealing his softer side in the linked article. And he's still cute, which is why he's featured here.

"I can still beat liberal's a$$es"

Beautiful Snow in April

Welcome Back, Tony

Tony Snow, whose intelligence makes him hotter than Dana Perino, returned to the White House Monday to resume his duties as Press Secretary. He looked fantastic after his cancer surgery and is now getting ready to undergo chemo starting Friday the 4th. God bless you, Tony, and may you continue to have a long, great life as a conservative sex symbol.

Miss America 2007

I want this woman's number.

Proving that you can still be hot at age 82, Venus Ramey gave us the best story I've heard in a long time. This is one old lady for whom I don't mind paying social security and prescription drug coverage.

Yes, Feel Guilty for Lusting after this Idiot

Could someone please dismiss this Bobbsey twin?

Dana Perino, about whom I've had to endure Sheriff Bruce's and hotair.com commenters' statements of admiration, must be the most incompetent Press Secretary this Whitehouse has had (and that's saying something!). After today's Virginia Tech Massacre, we once again had to sit embarrassed while Ms. Perino fielded questions she did not know how to answer. The woman is estrogen personified. Her attractive but overrated appearance (poor Tony Snow wasn't bad; I guess people aren’t used to cute women in D.C.) is accompanied by her look that she is about to cry whenever she appears behind the podium and her inability to sound like she knows what the hell she is talking about. When she does respond (admittedly to the idiocies of the White House Press Corps., half of whom would be happy to attend a flag-burning ceremony), she gives an answer that sounds like it was composed by and is being delivered by a 15-year-old girl.

Whether it’s her crying during her announcement of Tony Snow’s returned cancer and then not being able to answer a single medical question concerning the cancer ("I’m not a doctor." Well neither am I, Barbie, but I would have been happy to wrench that microphone from you at any point during that press conference. Try actually preparing a statement with facts, knowing something about a certain medical condition, and learning the meaning of a few clinical words like "MRI", "CAT scan", and "metastasize" before making your spokesperson debut giving an update and information on someone’s medical condition and prognosis.) or her giving the brilliant official Whitehouse position on Pelosi’s trip to Syria: "We think it’s a really bad idea." or today’s I’ll-have-to-check-the-record answer to some liberal freak’s statement about what gun law bills President Bush has or has not supported, we can always count on Dana to look like she's just finished watching and/or starring in a Lifetime Original Movie. Maybe some people do get by on good looks alone. Otherwise, I can’t imagine how this woman who couldn’t chair a high school booster squad got to be the acting public relations person for the President of the United States.

"I feel pretty."

Lady Ann on Cavuto about Imus

Also, check out her great column about the subject.

Did I mention that I love this woman? I want her to donate her eggs, so that I may bear her children. Yes, that's right, everyone, I want to be Ann Coulter's babymama, even though I don't know if that's scientifically possible. Those genes should not go to waste!

Tammy Get Your Gun

The .38 Special prop that's ready for a closeup.

Sheriff Bruce stated on her radio talk show on Friday, April 6, that she has arranged a new photo session that is not the doing of a publisher or a media outlet, but her own. She said that she has in the past had to "adapt" in photo shoots to the image that the entity arranging it wanted to convey, but that this time people are just going to have to "take a deep breath and enjoy it." She indicated her excitement in feeling confident enough in her body's current form to go through with this. The only comment she made about what she might be wearing was "you've seen enough of me in blazers," but did remark that she will be nude under her clothes. Also, she is apparantly bringing her revolver, Snuffy, to the shoot.

Not sure how long it's going to be before she reveals these photos, but I'm sure everyone's salivary glands are in for a workout.



From a photo shoot of yesteryear, evidently one that no one likes to discuss

Love This Picture

Mother Noonan, Lady Ann, and Drudge

Not much to say except wouldn't you love to go the party where they were headed?

Happy Easter, everyone! Send a care package to an American servicemember.

Enough with the Niceties: Time for Some Voyeurism

Here's fun game as the antidote to Hitler Jr. in the post below: What do all of these pictures of the Ingrahammer have in common?

All right, all right, if you want substance, here's the link to Laura's appearance on the Today Show last week.

The General vs. the Messiah: My Street Poem to Mahmoud

This, while still involving a "fantasy" of sorts, is quite a deviation from the usual Prowess content. While it's not likely to provoke the same kind of warmth and fuzziness that you get from the other features of the site, it still may help you blow off a little steam and know that you are not alone in your thoughts. I know how much better I felt after writing it.

*WARNING* This post is very graphic. That’s how you know it’s good.

The following have resulted from my learning that Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad will be entering the United States again with the permission from our State Department (update: since this writing, Ahmadinejad’s trip has been postponed, but I have no doubt he’ll be back). These subsequent remarks do not "introduce any fresh ideas", they do not contribute to any debate, they don’t assist any cause, and they are not appropriate for children. They are just an expression of how I really feel.

If I could stand on the street as Mr. A entered the United Nations I would YELL to him what I have written in the paragraph below:

"Get out of my country, you Hitler. You misogynistic pig sucker. Go back to your pit, you dirty smelly ape. I would love to clear my throat and then spit in your face. You should be shot in the head the next time you speak. You savage, you thug, you small, rabid mongrel. You are a throat cutter; your prophet was an incestuous child rapist, and your god is a brute.

Make sure you translate this, interpreters: ‘Fuck your Jihad, Fuck the 12th Imam, and Fuck your miscreant god.’

Yes, this is 'hate speech' because I hate you. I hope your last memory is of gagging on a shotgun barrel covered in swine blood."

The End

To be Sexy, Looks Aren’t Everything

Former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney is arguably the most handsome 2008 candidate for President. Why does that matter? Because John Kennedy, Bill Clinton (with the help of Al Gore), Ronald Reagan, and George Walker Bush all gained votes because of their looks at the time of running. The video age makes the importance of sex appeal in a national race unavoidable, and so does the rise in female voters. (This is not to pick on women; in 100 years when we regularly have female candidates competing in presidential primaries and races, there will be even more attention paid to their looks by male voters. Meanwhile, polls have regularly been conducted in the past few presidential races about which candidate would give us the best looking first lady.)

So why aren’t his great features helping Candidate Romney? Because his Mormonism is wiping away any hint of sexiness that his photogenic image could possibly arouse. Romney is coming across as a stereotype: at age 60, he’s been married for almost 40 years to a woman he met in high school, and he has five children, all boys (well, men now since he has 10 grandchildren). He is seen as squeaky clean to the point of creepiness. It’s not his apparent devotion to his wife that is a turn off; certainly many women find our current President’s love for his First Lady admirable and becoming. But Romney’s upstanding monogamy appears to the public (fairly or unfairly) not as a result of passionate love for his significant other, but as a product of his religion. Everything seems a little too perfect and church-programmed to the point where we’re all wondering if he’s got another wife tucked in the attic somewhere. (His wife, Ann, by the way, was raised Episcopalian, but she converted to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and attended Brigham Young University after meeting Romney. )

Of course, lack of sex appeal despite appearance isn’t Romney’s only problem. He has flipped, flopped, and flipped on abortion. And, although many supported his overall reasoning in preserving marriage as being between a man and a woman, he looked indisputably foolish when, as Massachusetts Governor, he invoked a law from 1913 that was written to restrict interracial marriages to prevent out-of-state same-sex couples from marrying in Massachusetts. Speaking of Massachusetts, there is the issue that if nominated, he would not even be able to carry his own state.

All is not lost for Governor Romney, however. Hugh Hewitt has written a book defending Romney's supposed weaknesses and showcasing his impressive resume. The Mass. Mor. Rep. Gov. also seems to be the favorite candidate of The Ingrahammer, who often has him as a guest on her show, and Lady Ann, who unofficially endorsed him at CPAC. We'll see. In the meantime, if you still want to lust after this Stanford, Harvard Law, and Harvard Business graduate based on his sheer incorruptibility, all I can give you are these nice, clean pictures. I guess there is still that drive among some to want the unattainable (maybe Romney himself suffers from it).

See related post.

Tammy Bruce: Internet Confessions

I decided to lift a few entertaining comments that the masses have made public about the Dark Dominatrix of American Nationalism. Here are some quotes from blog commenters, artichokies, and citizens of the United States of Tammy:

Ideologically speaking that woman is quite sexy.
-Theworldisnotenough on February 22, 2007 at 1:08 AM

I SOOooo **HEART** Tammy.
She is THE SINGLE MOST LOGICAL VOICE in the New Media. Her credibility almost above question and even as a Democrat lesbian she can call a spade a spade. What is not to love…AND she’s easy on the eyes. (Don’t go there guys…)
-seejanemom on February 22, 2007 at 9:09 AM

It’s nothing I’m proud of, but I find her fairly sexy in general.
Yes, I’ve read her bio. So no need to pile on here….
-Anton on February 22, 2007 at 11:50 AM

[All 3 of the above taken from hotair.com]

Tammy Bruce is on CSPAN giving a lecture and I'm getting wood watching her! I think Larry's going to leave me and go chase after her.Jimmy, I MEAN IT! If you don't get her book "The New Thought Police" I won't be your friend any more!!!!!
-vraiblonde
[ from Southern Maryland Community Forums]

Tammy Bruce sounds like my ideal woman. According to Dave at Big News, she is a classic liberal, a non-conformist opposes hate crimes, political correctness, is pro choice, gun-owning, supports civil unions, and believes in equality for all.
Oh yeah she is a lesbian, so I'll stop gazing at the photo on her website.
Posted by David P. Farrar on July 3, 2005 6:05 PM

The lady's a PIMP.Yum.
-BooKittyRadley (3 months ago)
[Youtube comment about a video of Tammy at the Maryland Fair in 2006]

C*******8(10:01:57 PM): tammy says shes never really been anyones bottom.. so what exactly is the duty of a top ?

C*******8 (10:02:15 PM): and will she ever take turns ?
C*******8(10:56:26 PM): why is she so damn hot ? there is no one else like her in the universe
[AOL IM, the "innocent" have been protected here]

Yes, indeed. And might I take the opportunity on this totally miscellaneous post to say that I love how when she is talking about former Deputy Secretary of State, Richard Armitage (who disturbingly enough gave the commencement speech at my Texas A&M graduation), she pronounces his last name "armitish." Her little Irish-lesbian lisp is so cute.

A rare, younger picture of
Sheriff Bruce from 1996,
when she was still Prez
of LA NOW. (She is finishing
the word, "armitish.")

Watch Her Watch the Market

Who's that charming lady with the country accent we started seeing on Fox News business programming in 2001 and are seeing more and more, no doubt because there were many viewer requests to "see more of" her (which, naturally, could have more than one meaning.)?

Her name is Dagen (pronounced "DAY-gan") McDowell and even after living in New York City for over a decade, she hasn't lost that tiny-tobacco-town Virginia accent. Media types often train reporters and correspondents to lose their rural accents because they say viewers find them distracting, when, in fact, their true motivation is their hatred for all things "southern." But we see in Miss Dagen's case that there is something endearing--if not downright sexy--about her drawl. Plus, she seems to have some cute quirks: she told an anchor in Studio B (a sub for Shep) that she loves to play videos games to "get away from people" [there's always a special place in my heart for the asocial] and she admits to watching trashy tv. As a most important supplement to all of this, she's got dark, shiny hair. No, her politics have not been fully elucidated...who cares?

Click here for five minutes with Dagen, which includes a video. That's probably the closest you're ever going to get.

Easy to see why the Dow is up.

Not Cewt

Why is the Republican base clamoring for a conservative but wincing when they hear the name Newt Gingrich? What makes Newt Gingrich’s three marriages look bad while Rudy Giuliani’s are only mentioned in passing? Newt did have an adulterous affair with a woman during his time as Speaker of the House, but that woman is now his wife. Yet she is hidden from view because when the public looks at her, they still see her as his mistress. Meanwhile, The New York Post splashed the image of Rudy and Judy in a lip lock when Giuliani announced. The photo was controversial, only because it was seen as “too sexy.”

Why this double standard? Dare I say it has to do with Newt’s unattractiveness? Of course, I dare! This is Prowess, not some self-censoring sissy site. Former Speaker Gingrich is a brilliant man and adept historian, but that can’t make up for the fact that he’s a pudgy professor with a nerdy, non-resonant voice. The disgust over his affair is not so much moral outrage, but the kind of nausea we get when we imagine any overstuffed, saggy Washington insider having sex. We, the shallow, seem more willing to let slide affairs and multiple marriages when the offenders are better looking. When someone like former Speaker Gingrich is involved in sexual misconduct, on the other hand, we just grimace and wonder “Why?, How?, Eww, nevermind! ” For someone so blessed with a creative mind, it is difficult to find a redeeming quality in Newt’s physicality. It’s not in his nasal tone and certainly not in his name.

"I am not a stud."

The harsh, unfair reality of the video media world and E! TV culture is that homely candidates for office only go so far, especially in presidential races. It’s one reason Governor George Walker Bush beat Senator John McCain in the 2000 primaries and why JFK made it, RFK would have, and Teddy never did.

Newt was a great fighting dog in Congress and hopefully will continue to be a strong behind-the-scenes player and thinker in the conservative movement, but he is no more ready for his close-up now than he was in 1994.

Big Ole Bill O'Reilly

Say hello to William O'Reilly, the very tall native Long Islander and best dressed man on television who can be quite persuasive when he's angry.

A few years ago, a former Fox News producer accused Bill O'Reilly of sexual harassment. The case was settled out of court, but not before The Smoking Gun published the complaint with all of the juicy details of what O'Reilly supposedly said to this woman over the phone. While it was wrong for Bill to say these things to her (if indeed he did) because he was her boss at one time and he was married with a child, if she was as "revolted" and "disgusted" by his comments as she claims, she would have hung up the phone when he started. Instead she allowed the conversation to continue to a, er, happy ending and even let Bill talk to her for a while afterwards. Looks like she was egging him on.

The Smoking Gun, which appears to be run by left-wingers but is still a fun site, thought they were really going to do in Bill by posting this document, but a funny thing happened instead. Women logged on, started reading the alleged phone sex transcripts, and were saying "Yeah, that sounds pretty good. He can do that to me any time." He does, after all, have a very nice voice. So rather than the instrument of The Culture Warrior's demise, this complaint became the one of the best pieces of erotica we've seen involving a political figure. It certainly painted a more pleasant mental picture than The Starr Report.

So for all of you who want Bill O'Reilly's big hands all over you, here is the document for your reading pleasure: the naughty stuff starts on page 14 and goes to about page 17.

Mr. "O", trying to explain the significant spike in loofa sales after this was released.

Beautiful Prophet

If you look at this beautiful, stylish, charming, well-spoken, multi-lingual Lebanese-American woman, you may get the idea that she has lived a charmed life, that she had a top-notch education, that she probably came from money and never had to deal with any of the trials and tribulations most of us regular folk do, that she might have a sharp mind, but has not had much experience in the big, bad, dangerous world of Islamic terror about which she speaks and writes.

If it weren't so horrific, it would be funny how wrong you'd be. Brigitte Gabriel's name and story should be shouted from the rooftops, but if you aren't able to do that, please read her book, Because They Hate. You may have trouble sleeping at night (as I did for the first time as the result of a book when I was reading it), but her message of how radical Islam is suceeding in conquering the West, as it conquered her native country, is one of the most important of our time.

She is an even more fantastic speaker than writer, so here is the must-watch speech she gave to the Heritage Foundation.

Why I Stand by My Ann

For those who want my commentary on the Ann Coulter "controversy" at CPAC, I think I sum it up pretty well with my comment at Tammy Bruce's blog as "ASHLEYMATT".

After that, one more point:
The fundamental fact about Ann Coulter that all liberals and some uppity conservatives fail to see is this-- she is as much a brilliant and creative comedian as she is an intellectual writer. In fact, I've never read another author who so seamlessly flows back and forth between skewering humor and earnest, cerebral analysis. So seamlessly, in fact, that her jokes are apparently over the heads of many who don’t even realize she is jesting in the first place. To the indignant ones who say they are disappointed that Ann Coulter has sunk to the left’s level: you don’t get it, she is so far above their level, they don’t even understand her satire. If you take everything she says literally and need everything explained to you, you are not ready for Ann Coulter’s work.

Now to heart of this post: Some have asked me why I am so loyal and defensive when it comes to Ann Coulter. There are certainly many political figures I admire, in fact some I follow more closely than Lady Ann, but my fidelity to her is much more personal. Everyone is asked growing up who their heroes are or whom they idolize. For me that answer was always the same: No One. There was never any adult I wanted to emulate, none I saw as a model of what I wanted to become. That is until I started reading Ann Coulter. In her words, I discovered all the qualities I want for myself: spiked wit, ab-tightening comedy, poetic satire, intellectual prowess, and, most of all, absolute fearlessness. Because of her, I went from appreciating and following politics to wanting to be a part of them. I had found my hero.

What lies in the deepest, darkest recesses of the public's mind, Ann Coulter exclaims in her first paragraph. She cannot be tempered. She truly enjoys and derives encouragement from her critics. Liberals continue to believe that her unparalleled nature will make her an outcast; instead it has made her a millionaire. This is not the first time Ann Coulter has said something that made leftists and elites hysterical, and it will not be the last.

And as I did this time, when I hear or see her jolting words, I will gasp, shake my head, and then crack a smile and say, "That's my girl."

P.S. If you want to like Ann but are afraid of her "over the top" comments, I'd like to refer you to two of my favorite columns of hers, examples which illustrate that she lives both to smite liberals as a talented comedian and to give clarity and insight into situations as an intellectual conservative: 2003's "With Half His Brain Tied Behind His Back" and 2005's "Come Back, Liberals!".

Something About Michelle

I have noticed that when I'm telling people about Prowess, and I ask them for suggestions on whom I should feature, I hear: "Michelle Malkin!" before I can even finish the question. Almost everyone (male and female) I have contacted about Prowess has mentioned Michelle's name before they come up with any other women.

Damn, Malkin, apparently you are hot stuff. It's not hard to figure out why. There are so many ways to count: your brilliant and often hilarious columns, your bold books, your fantastic news and video site: Hot Air. And then, of course, there was the way you cursed on "The O'Reilly Factor" and (when questioned) were able to immediately come up with an innocent reference to candy. That was so cute!

Too bad O'Reilly bleeped it.

Here's lookin' at you, kid.

The Baby Jesus

Many of you remember the story from this past December about St. Albans, West Virginia, the town that featured a "nativity scene" minus the Baby Jesus (kind of ironic for a town named after a saint, but then again San Francisco is also named after a saint...). Anyway, I am happy to report that we have found the Baby, not in James Cameron's phony documentary, but in New York City of all places. His earthly name is Sean Hannity. Of course, I am not the creator of this perfectly suited name for Sean; that honor goes to Royal Marshall of the Neal Boortz show.

Yes, Hannity, the man with that cute little baby face and seeming lack of original sin, which of course lends itself to all sorts of fantasies. A few years ago (2003, I believe), when Dennis Miller was a substitute host on Sean's show, a woman called in and began detailing her desires for the Baby Jesus. Dennis Miller (being Dennis Miller) just egged her on. I'm paraphrasing here, but her basic thesis was "Sean's so perfect and innocent and cute, I just want to corrupt him. I know there's a bad boy inside of him, and I want to see it." I hope this woman, wherever she is, writes some RPF that we can all look forward to reading one day.

As for Sean, he's lucky he's married with two kids. Otherwise, he'd have a full-time job of fielding offers of apples from the Garden of Eden that so many women would like to see him eat.

Raison D'Etre: Prowess Goes Introspective

My lengthy post on book signings reminded me of the reason I created Prowess. Many of us will never get to show our genuine, personal appreciation to these great conservatives with whom we are infatuated. We must do it in writing: to them directly or on a site like this and hope that they read and get a small sense of what they mean to us.

We realize that our idolatry of them is more meaningful than the worship of actors or even musicians. When people develop a crush on an actor, what they are really falling for are the actor's characters. It is often disappointing to watch an interview with an actor where one sees how he/she really talks, moves, dresses, and all the other differences between him/her and the character. In fact, the only genius of an actor is the ability to pretend to be interesting while on camera. Most of them are rather dull personalities in real life. Either that or they're talking to aliens, sympathizing with communists, and using whatever drugs they can acquire.

Even with a musician, it is the performance and style that enamours us, not the musician as a person. Half the time, they haven’t even written the song for which we love them. When they have, the song exists as a work of fiction they perform over and over because the audience enjoys it. The song lyrics may give only a small sliver of what the musician thinks or feels about something. Even then, it is subject to fabrication. My favorite singer once said that she has often exaggerated the circumstances when writing lyrics drawn from her personal experiences because "it made the song better." When we’re dealing with entertainers, the only part of the artists’ personalities that we admire is the part that pertains to their art.

However, with our beloved conservative commentators, talk show hosts, and authors, it is exactly their personalities that attract us. We see who they really are and what they really think...about almost everything. The philosophies they espouse, their processes of reaching them, and their methods of expressing them are inseparable from these individuals’ true dispositions. They also inadvertently reveal many personal details about themselves to us through their years of writing or talking on the airwaves. So our affection (and in some cases desire) for them is much more authentic and meaningful.

This brings me to the motto of Prowess, which is the wonderful fact about fantasies:
No matter if these people never meet us or meet us and can't stand us, no matter how popular they are or how powerful they are, we can fantasize about them to our heart's delight, and there's not a damn thing they can do about it.

Book *Sigh*nings

Last night, I attended a book signing by one of my favorite radio hosts, Neal Boortz, for his new book, Somebody's Gotta Say It. If you have ever been to a book signing of a conservative author you love, you know it can be a bittersweet experience. For those who haven't, this is what happens:

You hear the announcement that this wonderful conservative or libertarian commentator who you listen to or watch all the time is coming to your town! The excitement and fantasies begin! You find out the venue and start imagining all the people who are going to be there, what the set up is going to look like, what the person is going to look like in 3-D. How many people will show up? How long will the host speak? How close will I get? Will he/she talk to me? Will they look at me?

So the date of the event comes. You arrive early, of course, so you can get as close as possible. There are already people there, and things are still being coordinated. You see the security guards. You roam around and find out where you can and cannot sit or stand. Of course if there is a spot that would be perfect, you cannot sit or stand there. You find the line if there is one already forming. You begin somewhat nervously waiting. The good thing is that you are surrounded by likeminded people, so there is no need for icebreakers, you can launch straight into a discussion. No smalltalk; that's my kind of world. Anyway, you quickly learn that while most of the people are nice and often quite clever, some (although they share some of your views and your admiration of the host) can be kind of dumb or ornery. But that's ok, you love everyone, because tonight is the night you are seeing (insert author's name) in real life. Oh, perfection!

Finally, they arrive.... and start speaking. We conservatives never applaud as loudly as we should; we're too reserved (in public anyway). I'm going to practice my whistling and suggestive cheering for next time. Anyway, you stare at your host and think, "Wow that's really (insert name)! Standing right there! Just a few yards away! It's a real person! They are (shorter, taller, skinnier, prettier, cuter, nerdier, better or worse dressed) than I thought!"

Then after many tedious rules and restrictions are outlined to you, the line begins to move. As it zigzags around the bookshelves, there are moments when you are fairly close to the host. (During my experience last night, there was a moment when Neal was looking ahead and then was about to look back down to the book he was signing. Naturally, I was grinning at him, and at that moment, he caught my eye and cracked a mischievous smile as his head turned back to the book on the table. I will carry that moment with me always...)

At long last, it is your turn to step up. You only have about 3 seconds to speak. This is cruel. There is no way you can even start to express why you admire this person, why you love and patronize their work, how you came to agree with their points, why you are here at this event, etc., etc., etc. At that moment, you know exactly what it feels like to be a liberal: You have the frustration of being so consumed with emotion that you have nothing substantive to say. You want to grab the person and hug them and kiss them and tell them you love them and that they are wonderful and say to them that you are just going to hold them and give them some lovin' for a little while whether they like it or not. But you know they (and the security guards) may take that the wrong way vand besides there's no time for that, so you smile kindly (and fairly silently), they sign the book illegibly, you say "Thank you," and walk away. And then it's over. *deep inhale and siiiiiiigh*

All that anticipation, excitement, waiting and it's over in seconds. Your immediate consolation is walking past all the still-waiting people and grinning because you've got your signed copy in your hands and can go chill at the cafe. (Can you believe that at this book signing, the Borders cafe was closed for renovation?! ...with hundreds of people there, so many of whom expressed a desire to get some coffee or a snack while they waited. Does the Borders cafe understand how many thousands of dollars they lost last night?)

But you realize that your dreams of having a meal with this author and telling them how much they mean to you and everyone else will have to be fulfilled at a later time. Alas!

Not as Entertaining as Baghdad Bob, But Hotter

Who is this studly soldier? Why, he's not a soldier at all, he's...a journalist? Who knew any reporter had that much testosterone? This, of course, is Greg Kelly: former Marine pilot and current Fox News Reporter who was embedded with the army in various locations in Iraq in 2004 and 2005.

After someone suggested I feature Mr. Kelly, I found that not only is there an abundance of nice photos of him online, but someone has actually constructed a Greg Kelly fansite for him with many luscious pictures. Do you see, male journalists? If you give evidence that you have male reproductive anatomy, people will like you.

Madam Vice President: We Salute You!

If only!
God, I would take a bullet for this woman.

Still Rather be Dead than Red on the Head?

One of the commenters suggested that I feature Danny Bonaduce. I have to admit I didn't know much about this former Partridge Family member and current radio and VH1 personality. However, after viewing the following videos, I developed a special affection for him.

Here he his politely cursing out a mentally disturbed conspiracy theorist (kind of redudant of me since all conspiracy theorists are lacking in some form of cognitive or emotional development):

If you need to cool down (or heat up) after watching that, this video offers a possible explanation as to why the commenter wanted to see this Red-Headed One given prominence on Prowess:

Stud.