The Baby Jesus

Many of you remember the story from this past December about St. Albans, West Virginia, the town that featured a "nativity scene" minus the Baby Jesus (kind of ironic for a town named after a saint, but then again San Francisco is also named after a saint...). Anyway, I am happy to report that we have found the Baby, not in James Cameron's phony documentary, but in New York City of all places. His earthly name is Sean Hannity. Of course, I am not the creator of this perfectly suited name for Sean; that honor goes to Royal Marshall of the Neal Boortz show.

Yes, Hannity, the man with that cute little baby face and seeming lack of original sin, which of course lends itself to all sorts of fantasies. A few years ago (2003, I believe), when Dennis Miller was a substitute host on Sean's show, a woman called in and began detailing her desires for the Baby Jesus. Dennis Miller (being Dennis Miller) just egged her on. I'm paraphrasing here, but her basic thesis was "Sean's so perfect and innocent and cute, I just want to corrupt him. I know there's a bad boy inside of him, and I want to see it." I hope this woman, wherever she is, writes some RPF that we can all look forward to reading one day.

As for Sean, he's lucky he's married with two kids. Otherwise, he'd have a full-time job of fielding offers of apples from the Garden of Eden that so many women would like to see him eat.

Raison D'Etre: Prowess Goes Introspective

My lengthy post on book signings reminded me of the reason I created Prowess. Many of us will never get to show our genuine, personal appreciation to these great conservatives with whom we are infatuated. We must do it in writing: to them directly or on a site like this and hope that they read and get a small sense of what they mean to us.

We realize that our idolatry of them is more meaningful than the worship of actors or even musicians. When people develop a crush on an actor, what they are really falling for are the actor's characters. It is often disappointing to watch an interview with an actor where one sees how he/she really talks, moves, dresses, and all the other differences between him/her and the character. In fact, the only genius of an actor is the ability to pretend to be interesting while on camera. Most of them are rather dull personalities in real life. Either that or they're talking to aliens, sympathizing with communists, and using whatever drugs they can acquire.

Even with a musician, it is the performance and style that enamours us, not the musician as a person. Half the time, they haven’t even written the song for which we love them. When they have, the song exists as a work of fiction they perform over and over because the audience enjoys it. The song lyrics may give only a small sliver of what the musician thinks or feels about something. Even then, it is subject to fabrication. My favorite singer once said that she has often exaggerated the circumstances when writing lyrics drawn from her personal experiences because "it made the song better." When we’re dealing with entertainers, the only part of the artists’ personalities that we admire is the part that pertains to their art.

However, with our beloved conservative commentators, talk show hosts, and authors, it is exactly their personalities that attract us. We see who they really are and what they really think...about almost everything. The philosophies they espouse, their processes of reaching them, and their methods of expressing them are inseparable from these individuals’ true dispositions. They also inadvertently reveal many personal details about themselves to us through their years of writing or talking on the airwaves. So our affection (and in some cases desire) for them is much more authentic and meaningful.

This brings me to the motto of Prowess, which is the wonderful fact about fantasies:
No matter if these people never meet us or meet us and can't stand us, no matter how popular they are or how powerful they are, we can fantasize about them to our heart's delight, and there's not a damn thing they can do about it.

Book *Sigh*nings

Last night, I attended a book signing by one of my favorite radio hosts, Neal Boortz, for his new book, Somebody's Gotta Say It. If you have ever been to a book signing of a conservative author you love, you know it can be a bittersweet experience. For those who haven't, this is what happens:

You hear the announcement that this wonderful conservative or libertarian commentator who you listen to or watch all the time is coming to your town! The excitement and fantasies begin! You find out the venue and start imagining all the people who are going to be there, what the set up is going to look like, what the person is going to look like in 3-D. How many people will show up? How long will the host speak? How close will I get? Will he/she talk to me? Will they look at me?

So the date of the event comes. You arrive early, of course, so you can get as close as possible. There are already people there, and things are still being coordinated. You see the security guards. You roam around and find out where you can and cannot sit or stand. Of course if there is a spot that would be perfect, you cannot sit or stand there. You find the line if there is one already forming. You begin somewhat nervously waiting. The good thing is that you are surrounded by likeminded people, so there is no need for icebreakers, you can launch straight into a discussion. No smalltalk; that's my kind of world. Anyway, you quickly learn that while most of the people are nice and often quite clever, some (although they share some of your views and your admiration of the host) can be kind of dumb or ornery. But that's ok, you love everyone, because tonight is the night you are seeing (insert author's name) in real life. Oh, perfection!

Finally, they arrive.... and start speaking. We conservatives never applaud as loudly as we should; we're too reserved (in public anyway). I'm going to practice my whistling and suggestive cheering for next time. Anyway, you stare at your host and think, "Wow that's really (insert name)! Standing right there! Just a few yards away! It's a real person! They are (shorter, taller, skinnier, prettier, cuter, nerdier, better or worse dressed) than I thought!"

Then after many tedious rules and restrictions are outlined to you, the line begins to move. As it zigzags around the bookshelves, there are moments when you are fairly close to the host. (During my experience last night, there was a moment when Neal was looking ahead and then was about to look back down to the book he was signing. Naturally, I was grinning at him, and at that moment, he caught my eye and cracked a mischievous smile as his head turned back to the book on the table. I will carry that moment with me always...)

At long last, it is your turn to step up. You only have about 3 seconds to speak. This is cruel. There is no way you can even start to express why you admire this person, why you love and patronize their work, how you came to agree with their points, why you are here at this event, etc., etc., etc. At that moment, you know exactly what it feels like to be a liberal: You have the frustration of being so consumed with emotion that you have nothing substantive to say. You want to grab the person and hug them and kiss them and tell them you love them and that they are wonderful and say to them that you are just going to hold them and give them some lovin' for a little while whether they like it or not. But you know they (and the security guards) may take that the wrong way vand besides there's no time for that, so you smile kindly (and fairly silently), they sign the book illegibly, you say "Thank you," and walk away. And then it's over. *deep inhale and siiiiiiigh*

All that anticipation, excitement, waiting and it's over in seconds. Your immediate consolation is walking past all the still-waiting people and grinning because you've got your signed copy in your hands and can go chill at the cafe. (Can you believe that at this book signing, the Borders cafe was closed for renovation?! ...with hundreds of people there, so many of whom expressed a desire to get some coffee or a snack while they waited. Does the Borders cafe understand how many thousands of dollars they lost last night?)

But you realize that your dreams of having a meal with this author and telling them how much they mean to you and everyone else will have to be fulfilled at a later time. Alas!

Not as Entertaining as Baghdad Bob, But Hotter

Who is this studly soldier? Why, he's not a soldier at all, he's...a journalist? Who knew any reporter had that much testosterone? This, of course, is Greg Kelly: former Marine pilot and current Fox News Reporter who was embedded with the army in various locations in Iraq in 2004 and 2005.

After someone suggested I feature Mr. Kelly, I found that not only is there an abundance of nice photos of him online, but someone has actually constructed a Greg Kelly fansite for him with many luscious pictures. Do you see, male journalists? If you give evidence that you have male reproductive anatomy, people will like you.

Madam Vice President: We Salute You!

If only!
God, I would take a bullet for this woman.

Still Rather be Dead than Red on the Head?

One of the commenters suggested that I feature Danny Bonaduce. I have to admit I didn't know much about this former Partridge Family member and current radio and VH1 personality. However, after viewing the following videos, I developed a special affection for him.

Here he his politely cursing out a mentally disturbed conspiracy theorist (kind of redudant of me since all conspiracy theorists are lacking in some form of cognitive or emotional development):

If you need to cool down (or heat up) after watching that, this video offers a possible explanation as to why the commenter wanted to see this Red-Headed One given prominence on Prowess:

Stud.

P Who?

The tall, dark, and handsome George Prescott Bush, or "George P." as he was so termed. Son of Jeb and nephew of the President. Remember him? In the 2000 election he was hailed as the rising star of the Republican party. He even returned with some inspiring words at the 2004 Republican National Convention

What ever happened to him? Well, maybe it had something to do with him publicly jumping on the open border bandwagon (also in 2004).

Oops.

There's a New Sheriff in Town...or in the living room

Ahhh, the Brucester. This is my favorite (public) picture of her. Maybe because she's actually smiling. She looks like some celebrity I can't place. I love dark-headed people. There are some great blondes, but there is just some exotic beauty in that shiny black hair.

I had the exciting pleasure of being the first caller on Tammy's Saturday show this weekend. It was good for me.

Speaking of her show: a couple of weeks ago, Tammy was talking about her pistol, Snuffy, and entertained the idea on the air of getting a holster and walking around the house with her gun on her waist. She quickly retracted the idea, laughing and saying she was "maybe taking that a bit too far." Too late, Sheriff Bruce. You can't unring that bell. You put that mental image in our heads, we know what to do with it, and we thank you.

Like Them Retired?

Warning: If you suffer from BDS , you need to go ahead and call an ambulance before you view this post.

Before he was ripped to pieces by the left and finally thrown overboard by the President, Secretary Rumsfeld was, as only the Goddess Ann Coulter could describe him, "a national sex symbol."

This great man may have faltered as Secretary of Defense, but I always thought President Bush should have made him Press Secretary. Can you imagine?

Here's some young, dark Rum and some lighter, more refined Rum:

Time for Some Male Objectification

We don't know his exact political philosophies, but he does the happy work of pissing off liberals every day simply because he's a Fox News anchor.

I always thought Shepard was kind of cute, even though he does remind me of someone...

Couldn't you see Shep with the little Santa hat on? Maybe it's that slightly evil look that's attractive.

These Eyes

One of the reasons Laura should get an Ingrahamcam for her studio is so we can see these eyes every day. They are beautiful and so lively when she talks. She's got such great animated eye movements and facial expressions when she gets riled up; it adds to the humor of her satires. Not sure what the sequins are about, but I'll get over it.

Speaking of Lady Ann

I just found her in a Charlie's Angels moment. I like it.

Prowess's First: Ann Coulter

The Godess of Conservatism appeared on The Today Show "today" and looked positively smashing. While we usually see the long and lean beauty wearing dresses, today Lady Ann donned long dark pants and sat daintily drinking out of her "Today Show" mug. Love the boots!

Here is the video.

Now comment and fantasize away.

Commenter Jordan remarked that he didn't see the Today Show interviewer (Natalie Morales) complimenting Ann on Godless.

My response is: What do you expect? I'm surprized the Today show even allows Ann on the set anymore. If you see this, Ann will tell you a wonderful anecdote about a man coming up to her and saying that he used to date Katie Couric. One night when he was meeting her for dinner, she came in, collapsed in the chair and said, "God, I need a drink. Ann Coulter killed me today."

Coming Soon: Prowess

I have decided to resist every fiber in my body and start a blog. I don't even like the word blog, so I'm going to call it a website. The website is Prowess. Prowess will aim to disgust leftists everywhere by exploring the personal lives and images of conservative/libertarian/traditionalist sex symbols. We right-of-center types have too long been bombarded with images and tabloids of vacant, socialist celebrities who hold little appeal for us. This site will serve as a guilty pleasure (or maybe not so guilty) area for conservatives and moderates of all shades to enjoy images, share anecdotes, and discuss fantasies of their favorite pundits, talk show hosts, writers, and commentators. We may even occasionally feature a conservative hollywood type, if there are any left.

Prowess will serve as evidence that, contrary to the left's belief, conservatives are not a bunch of asexual prudes. In fact, I think we are even going to surprise ourselves...

Let the commenting commence with your ideas for which of your favorites I will feature!