Last night, I attended a book signing by one of my favorite radio hosts, Neal Boortz, for his new book, Somebody's Gotta Say It. If you have ever been to a book signing of a conservative author you love, you know it can be a bittersweet experience. For those who haven't, this is what happens:
You hear the announcement that this wonderful conservative or libertarian commentator who you listen to or watch all the time is coming to your town! The excitement and fantasies begin! You find out the venue and start imagining all the people who are going to be there, what the set up is going to look like, what the person is going to look like in 3-D. How many people will show up? How long will the host speak? How close will I get? Will he/she talk to me? Will they look at me?
So the date of the event comes. You arrive early, of course, so you can get as close as possible. There are already people there, and things are still being coordinated. You see the security guards. You roam around and find out where you can and cannot sit or stand. Of course if there is a spot that would be perfect, you cannot sit or stand there. You find the line if there is one already forming. You begin somewhat nervously waiting. The good thing is that you are surrounded by likeminded people, so there is no need for icebreakers, you can launch straight into a discussion. No smalltalk; that's my kind of world. Anyway, you quickly learn that while most of the people are nice and often quite clever, some (although they share some of your views and your admiration of the host) can be kind of dumb or ornery. But that's ok, you love everyone, because tonight is the night you are seeing (insert author's name) in real life. Oh, perfection!
Finally, they arrive.... and start speaking. We conservatives never applaud as loudly as we should; we're too reserved (in public anyway). I'm going to practice my whistling and suggestive cheering for next time. Anyway, you stare at your host and think, "Wow that's really (insert name)! Standing right there! Just a few yards away! It's a real person! They are (shorter, taller, skinnier, prettier, cuter, nerdier, better or worse dressed) than I thought!"
Then after many tedious rules and restrictions are outlined to you, the line begins to move. As it zigzags around the bookshelves, there are moments when you are fairly close to the host. (During my experience last night, there was a moment when Neal was looking ahead and then was about to look back down to the book he was signing. Naturally, I was grinning at him, and at that moment, he caught my eye and cracked a mischievous smile as his head turned back to the book on the table. I will carry that moment with me always...)
At long last, it is your turn to step up. You only have about 3 seconds to speak. This is cruel. There is no way you can even start to express why you admire this person, why you love and patronize their work, how you came to agree with their points, why you are here at this event, etc., etc., etc. At that moment, you know exactly what it feels like to be a liberal: You have the frustration of being so consumed with emotion that you have nothing substantive to say. You want to grab the person and hug them and kiss them and tell them you love them and that they are wonderful and say to them that you are just going to hold them and give them some lovin' for a little while whether they like it or not. But you know they (and the security guards) may take that the wrong way vand besides there's no time for that, so you smile kindly (and fairly silently), they sign the book illegibly, you say "Thank you," and walk away. And then it's over. *deep inhale and siiiiiiigh*
All that anticipation, excitement, waiting and it's over in seconds. Your immediate consolation is walking past all the still-waiting people and grinning because you've got your signed copy in your hands and can go chill at the cafe. (Can you believe that at this book signing, the Borders cafe was closed for renovation?! ...with hundreds of people there, so many of whom expressed a desire to get some coffee or a snack while they waited. Does the Borders cafe understand how many thousands of dollars they lost last night?)
But you realize that your dreams of having a meal with this author and telling them how much they mean to you and everyone else will have to be fulfilled at a later time. Alas!
You hear the announcement that this wonderful conservative or libertarian commentator who you listen to or watch all the time is coming to your town! The excitement and fantasies begin! You find out the venue and start imagining all the people who are going to be there, what the set up is going to look like, what the person is going to look like in 3-D. How many people will show up? How long will the host speak? How close will I get? Will he/she talk to me? Will they look at me?
So the date of the event comes. You arrive early, of course, so you can get as close as possible. There are already people there, and things are still being coordinated. You see the security guards. You roam around and find out where you can and cannot sit or stand. Of course if there is a spot that would be perfect, you cannot sit or stand there. You find the line if there is one already forming. You begin somewhat nervously waiting. The good thing is that you are surrounded by likeminded people, so there is no need for icebreakers, you can launch straight into a discussion. No smalltalk; that's my kind of world. Anyway, you quickly learn that while most of the people are nice and often quite clever, some (although they share some of your views and your admiration of the host) can be kind of dumb or ornery. But that's ok, you love everyone, because tonight is the night you are seeing (insert author's name) in real life. Oh, perfection!
Finally, they arrive.... and start speaking. We conservatives never applaud as loudly as we should; we're too reserved (in public anyway). I'm going to practice my whistling and suggestive cheering for next time. Anyway, you stare at your host and think, "Wow that's really (insert name)! Standing right there! Just a few yards away! It's a real person! They are (shorter, taller, skinnier, prettier, cuter, nerdier, better or worse dressed) than I thought!"
Then after many tedious rules and restrictions are outlined to you, the line begins to move. As it zigzags around the bookshelves, there are moments when you are fairly close to the host. (During my experience last night, there was a moment when Neal was looking ahead and then was about to look back down to the book he was signing. Naturally, I was grinning at him, and at that moment, he caught my eye and cracked a mischievous smile as his head turned back to the book on the table. I will carry that moment with me always...)
At long last, it is your turn to step up. You only have about 3 seconds to speak. This is cruel. There is no way you can even start to express why you admire this person, why you love and patronize their work, how you came to agree with their points, why you are here at this event, etc., etc., etc. At that moment, you know exactly what it feels like to be a liberal: You have the frustration of being so consumed with emotion that you have nothing substantive to say. You want to grab the person and hug them and kiss them and tell them you love them and that they are wonderful and say to them that you are just going to hold them and give them some lovin' for a little while whether they like it or not. But you know they (and the security guards) may take that the wrong way vand besides there's no time for that, so you smile kindly (and fairly silently), they sign the book illegibly, you say "Thank you," and walk away. And then it's over. *deep inhale and siiiiiiigh*
All that anticipation, excitement, waiting and it's over in seconds. Your immediate consolation is walking past all the still-waiting people and grinning because you've got your signed copy in your hands and can go chill at the cafe. (Can you believe that at this book signing, the Borders cafe was closed for renovation?! ...with hundreds of people there, so many of whom expressed a desire to get some coffee or a snack while they waited. Does the Borders cafe understand how many thousands of dollars they lost last night?)
But you realize that your dreams of having a meal with this author and telling them how much they mean to you and everyone else will have to be fulfilled at a later time. Alas!
7 comments:
I'm curious to know what you consider small talk? You seem so adamantly opposed to the very idea of exchange what most would consider simple pleasantries. Not that there is anything wrong with you loathing this often tedious process. Would you rather someone you don't know and have absolutely no history with walk up and start asking you personal and in depth questions about your beliefs, thoughts and life. Or does this lack of small talk only apply to current events, simple likes and dislikes and philosophical debates.
I find it curious that in that big, long post I wrote, you seem to be most interested in my one-sentence opinion of small talk. Yes, I consider small talk to be a waste of time. What some call "simple pleasantries" have always been meaningless exercises for me. It's demonstrated by the fact that when a stranger says, "Hi, how are you?" they do not really want you to answer that question. It is very awkward when I have to participate in this contrived ritual with someone. People do not need to start out with personal questions, but they should have the courtesty of having a point when engaging another person in conversation. I do not have a small mind, and I do not need small talk. But that's part of that INTJ thing I mention on my profile; we're a little too complicated to make or receive a good impression from small talk. I genuinely question its necessity, but perhaps if I were a different personality type, it would work for me. I certainly never thought someone would be so quick to defend it; at least you are reading the posts closely!
To answer your question as to why I cued in on this one rather small sentence in the mist of you extensive blog is easy. It’s was simply because I oh so thoroughly enjoyed the rest of the post. Actually all of your post, even the part I asked you about. You actually had me laughing and I loved your at times sardonic evaluation of how we contrive and conger up ideas about how things might go, when in truth as you pointed out, reality is much different. My question was not in any way an attack on how you feel or your preferences, rather I was curious as to what made you tick. You might say that I was avoiding that “meaningless exercise” of small talk and making an attempt to understand and get to know you. And it’s very good to know that you do not have a small mind… because if you did I would be wasting my time, not only reading you blog but leaving comments. Besides isn’t the thing that truly stretches us and improves our minds the very exchange of ideas, those that challenge and cause us to evaluate our own. After all you don’t strike me as the type of personal that wants comments raving about your brilliant post, but instead someone that will expand your thought process and even logically challenge you. However, I could be wrong…if you like I could limit my comments to those of praise for your wit, intellect and sarcasm :)!!
You are very sweet, therefore, I will allow you to comment uncensored (of course I do that with everyone, but I won't even be tempted to press the little garbage can button under your posts.) Your curiousity about me is very flattering, and you are welcome to take me to the woodshed with any issue.
Haha… Thank you for your unsubtle yet gracious reminder that you indeed are the creator and moderator of this fascinating blog. I’m glad to know that you will resist any urges to flush my comments into the internet oblivion. It’s nice to meet individuals that have strong convictions that are backed by logic and study, and are not afraid discuss them. No intellectual wall flowers for me please!!! And I most likely will be taking you up on that offer, about the woodshed that is. But you got to watch those loverly little phrases…a girl could take them the wrong way ::mischievous grin::
So I have a question for the day. Is it possible to think too much? I'm curious as to what your thought on this would be...
Thanks for writing this.
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