Big Ole Bill O'Reilly

Say hello to William O'Reilly, the very tall native Long Islander and best dressed man on television who can be quite persuasive when he's angry.

A few years ago, a former Fox News producer accused Bill O'Reilly of sexual harassment. The case was settled out of court, but not before The Smoking Gun published the complaint with all of the juicy details of what O'Reilly supposedly said to this woman over the phone. While it was wrong for Bill to say these things to her (if indeed he did) because he was her boss at one time and he was married with a child, if she was as "revolted" and "disgusted" by his comments as she claims, she would have hung up the phone when he started. Instead she allowed the conversation to continue to a, er, happy ending and even let Bill talk to her for a while afterwards. Looks like she was egging him on.

The Smoking Gun, which appears to be run by left-wingers but is still a fun site, thought they were really going to do in Bill by posting this document, but a funny thing happened instead. Women logged on, started reading the alleged phone sex transcripts, and were saying "Yeah, that sounds pretty good. He can do that to me any time." He does, after all, have a very nice voice. So rather than the instrument of The Culture Warrior's demise, this complaint became the one of the best pieces of erotica we've seen involving a political figure. It certainly painted a more pleasant mental picture than The Starr Report.

So for all of you who want Bill O'Reilly's big hands all over you, here is the document for your reading pleasure: the naughty stuff starts on page 14 and goes to about page 17.

Mr. "O", trying to explain the significant spike in loofa sales after this was released.